Perpetual Solace

Ahhhh. Perpetual Solace. Especially after an entire week of brain numbing exams, and resultant incoherent thoughts and speech, it is great to have some time off to think. In this case, I've decided to place my thinking, into my new layout. I am so tired of rushing and trying to be at the top. I am tired of trying to be someone I am not. I am tired of being imperfect. I am tired of not being in control. I need my solace.


Click to view the full-sized image.

(avater)
(Page break)
(Button)

All of them are watermarked.

Let's start with the layout shall we? A light touch of greenish brown/brownish green, along with a picture of a sunrise. I've decided to throw my pink and purple aside, and get in touch with my inner soul. Wait, more of get in touch with the quieter part of my inner soul. Whne people like Mrs Ng, Mrs Seah, Mr Tan tells me that I am 'A bright and cheerful girl...', I can't help but snigger behind their backs. Bright? I am probably one of the dimmest in school. Cheerful? I tend to associate 'Melesa' with pessimist and cynical. The dull colors are probably what I am most of the time, although the browns and greens just show that perhaps I do have some inner peace within this violence-prone teenage girl.

I've always wanted to texturise my layouts with scanlines, a function which PSP/AS has but not in PS/IR. So I created my own scanline brushes, of a huge brush size for bigger layouts in the future. I am not always that fiesty and bouncy. In fact, I am rather mellow recently. I prefer just sitting down, staring out of the window, my imagination bringing me into a world of fantasy. One in which the lines of reality and dreams are blurred, one in which I can just let everything go and enjoy the serenity around me, one in which I can just lie down on the cool soft grass and stare at the soft white clouds, my mind free from worries and distractions.

I might not seem like the 'greenest' girl in my CCA, in fact I am probably the un-greenest of them all, but I draw my bulk of inspiration from nature. Be it a solitary lake, a field of gorgeous flowers, a meadow of lush green as far as one can see... Each of them invoke a different feeling in me. Being someone who lacks the ability and skill to put emotions and thoughts into words, it is hard for me to describe the feelings, but one thing is for sure. I feel refreshed and renewed in a way when such scenes cross my mind.

Looking into the horizon, a dream, in the distance. So near yet so far. You can almost see yourself carassing the skies as you run towards it, but with each step you take, your destination continue to escape your grasp. A neverending, unattainable dream. Just like how I wish to be able to escape from reality, and indulge myself in the wonders of solitude, it can never happen, at least not in this lifetime. Instead, I try to patch the emptiness inside me with endless material goods. I know that I do not have the mental, or rather the emotional capacity to reach the level of nirvana with my mindset and behaviour. Instead, everytime I try to get in touch with my spiritual side, I end up feeling emptier and more frustrated. I am trying so hard to be something I am not. Maybe that is just what I am, a wannabe. A phoney.

Now for the more technical portions. This layout is mainly CSS, with your typical codings for centered images and such being html based. CSS is such a wonderful tool. It allows you to completely manipulate the layout to fit however you want it to be, and instead of being completely structured like html, you are able to create hundreds of layers to align your images and such, to prevent the various browsers from resetting it depending on the screen resolutions.

The layout is relatively simple, one of the most common on the web. But still, with my current mood and thoughts, it is the perfect layout for me. Instead of throwing in elaborate codes and designs, it's more of a return to the basics, right into my inner soul kind of thing, one in which I can just let go and be myself, hence the simplicity. The overall 'softer' feel as compared to my other layouts is more of me lapsing into lethargy, sinking deeper into my Perpetual Solace, free from shackles of reality.

The complimentary graphics are well, more of for the sake of being there. I've decided to try new borders for my button and page breaks, it's been ages since I've experimented in graphics. It's unique, as compared to my normal style, mostly straight lines and little boxes, with a little splash of stars at the edges. Just another one of my fantasy based imagination, along with integration of both simplicity and elaborations. I think I've failed in that area but I am still satisfied enough with the layout to let it be. I think the avater is probably the graphic which reflects my current emotions and thoughts best for now.

I can't ignore the emptiness inside me. The vacuum, the void, the black hole. It's suffocating and excruciating at times. My solitude helps once in a while, but it's just a temporary relief. I don't have to please anyone, just myself.

I'm not making any sense am I.

I need a Perpetual Solace.

"Follow the rays of the Sun, till you reach the land where the sky meets the sea. There you will find your solace, your perpetual solace."
Layout and design (c)Melesa aka Mystickal and is not to be altered or reproduced on any other sites without permission.




Please upload button to your own server if possible or use the code provided. I suggest Photobucket. Click here to view and SAVE the image.
<a href="http://celticheavens.livejournal.com/" _fcksavedurl="http://celticheavens.livejournal.com/" target=_none"><img src="img url here" _fcksavedurl="img url here" border="0" alt="[[+-.Of Red and Blue Eyes.-+]]// -- MyStIcKaL"></a>